What happens when we see something we can’t forget?

Caitlin on Oct. 16, 2026

Do you remember the first film, series, or video game that scared you when you were young? This is one of our favourite icebreakers we use when we meet with new people and groups.

It’s a great icebreaker because it’s relatable, usually brings a few laughs, and almost everyone can remember that first visceral feeling of being scared by something they watched.

Mine is The Ring. I’ve actually written a blog about it before. Horror films, scary sounds and pesky sleepovers.

We recently asked a group of young people this question. For the first time, the answer was a Tiktok clip. Not a film. Not a game. But something they’d seen on social media.

This got me thinking about the other content I remember seeing over the years – content that wasn’t in a horror movie but triggered a similar physically emotional response.

The one I remember most vividly was a teacher wheeling the shared box television into our classroom so we could watch the coverage of 9/11. Wild choice from the teacher, perhaps. But it’s something that has really stuck with me.

Because we don’t just remember the horror film that ruined a sleepover. We remember where we were. Who we were with. What we were doing when something happened. And when there is powerful or distressing content attached to an event, we can remember the footage or images associated with it too.

When the news becomes something we experience

There is a lot of research looking at the effects of repeatedly seeing traumatic events through the media, including the potential for distress and what is sometimes described as secondary or vicarious trauma. The online world has amplified this in ways that previous generations simply didn't experience.

We no longer have to wait for the evening news or for a newspaper to arrive (or your teacher to wheel in the box TV). Videos can be livestreamed, shared, reposted and pushed into our feeds within minutes. The same footage can appear again and again, long after the original event has happened

The bystander footage of George Floyd's death is one example.

More recently, the killing of Charlie Kirk and the circulation of graphic footage has prompted conversations about what young people are seeing online and what impact that exposure can have, including in our recent survey report, Online Exposure.

Our Youth Advisory Panel, alongside other rangatahi we have spoken with, have talked about the impact that the Charlie Kirk footage has had on their generation. Reporters have also spoken with teachers and students who have shared similar stories.

But this isn't just something that affects young people.

Adults have said they feel helpless, anxious or upset by what they see too. We can find ourselves thinking about an image long after we've closed the app, or remembering exactly where we were when we first saw it. One of the challenges of today's online environment is that we don't always choose the content that reaches us.

Unlike movies, graphic content we’re exposed to online often comes without a warning label. A video can appear while we're scrolling. Someone can send us something we didn’t ask for. A graphic image can be reposted thousands of times. We might hear people talking about an event before we even understand what has happened. And once we've seen something, we can't unsee it. Being affected by frightening or distressing content is a very human response.

So what can we do?

There are no simple rules for navigating this kind of content. And when something significant happens, it can be difficult to know what to say or do – particularly when we are trying to support someone else while processing our own reaction.

But there are some things that can help.

It’s normal to be scared and worried.

Feeling scared, worried, confused or anxious after seeing something frightening is a normal reaction, for tamariki, rangatahi and adults.

Do something practical.

Step away from the feed, turn off notifications, talk to someone you trust, go outside or do something ordinary that helps you feel grounded. For young people, this could mean muting an account, leaving a conversation, blocking content or talking to a trusted adult.

Report it.

Report harmful or illegal content to the platform or the appropriate New Zealand agency. Reporting can help stop content from circulating and reduce the chance of someone else being exposed to it.

Don’t share.

Even if you are sharing something because you are shocked or concerned, sharing it can expose other people to distressing content and extend the harm.

Don’t keep looking at it.
You don’t need to keep watching or reading upsetting content. Close the feed, move on or delete it if you can.
Talk to someone.

Talk to someone you trust or reach out to a helpline if you need more support.

For more practical advice, see our What should I do if I see harmful or illegal content online? FAQ.

For tamariki

Be a safe place.

Listen, stay calm and let them know they are safe. You don't need to have all the answers.

Be honest without scaring them.

It’s okay to say, “That was upsetting to see” or “I’m worried too.” Keep the conversation open, calm and reassuring.

Remind them that people help each other.

Alongside the difficult things we see online, there are also people supporting each other, helping their communities and showing compassion.

While reading this, you might be thinking about a significant moment you remember from when you were younger, something that happened earlier this year, or even something you have seen recently. Our research tells us that New Zealanders are seeing harmful content online, and that it can have a real impact.

We’re not suggesting you change your icebreaker to talking about real-life tragedies – Gremlins, Jaws, Coraline and Monster House are much better conversation starters. But when you or someone you care about does come across harmful or distressing content, talk about it, report it where you can, and reach out for extra support if you’re finding it hard to shake what you’ve seen.